Parenting Tips: Your Teen-aged Kids and Sex

Here are some things to consider before opening discussions about the very sensitive subject of sex with your adolescent children:

1. Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes.

Communicating with your children about sex, love and relationships is often more successful when you are certain in your own mind about these issues.

2. Talk with your children early and often about sex, and be specific.

Kids have lots of questions about sex, and they often say that the source they'd most like to go to for an answer is their parents. Start the conversation, and make sure that it is honest, open and respectful.

3. Supervise and monitor your children and adolescents.

Establish rules, curfews and standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion and respectful communication.

4. Know your children's friends and their families.
Friends have a strong influence on each other, so help your children and teenagers become friends with kids whose families share your values.

5. Discourage early, frequent and steady dating.
Group activities among young people are fine and often fun, but allowing teens to begin steady, one-on-one dating before age 16 can lead to trouble.

6. Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy significantly older than she is.

And don't allow your son to develop an intense relationship with a girl much younger than he is. Older guys can seem glamorous to a young girl — sometimes they even have money and a car! But the risk of matters getting out of hand increases when the guy is much older than the girl.

7. Help your teenagers to have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood.

The chances that your children will delay sex, pregnancy and parenthood are significantly increased if their futures appear bright. This means helping them set meaningful goals for the future, talking to them about what it takes to make future plans come true and helping them reach their goals.

8. Let your kids know that you value education highly.

Be very attentive to your children's progress in school and intervene early if things aren't going well.

9. Know what your kids are watching, reading and listening to.

It is important to talk with your children about what the media portray and what you think about it. Ask what they think about how risky situations are handled in the media, and how they would handle those situations in real life. You will probably not be able to fully control what your children see and hear, but you can certainly make your views known and control your own home environment.

10. These first nine tips for helping your children avoid teen pregnancy work best when they occur as part of strong, close relationships with your children that are built from an early age.

Strive for a relationship that is warm in tone, firm in discipline and rich in communication, and one that emphasizes mutual trust and respect.

A final note: It's never too late to improve a relationship with a child or teenager. Don't underestimate the great need that children feel — at all ages — for a close relationship with their parents and for their parents' guidance, approval and support.